*Be warned, these are the ramblings of a crazed grad student
Have you heard of the term “single at heart?” It’s coined by Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist who dedicates her time to researching and writing about the “single experience.” According to her, the term single at heart refers to an individual living their best, most fulfilled life as a single person. Judging by the criteria, I could easily fit this term except for one teeny tiny snag; I’d like to be in a long-term relationship someday. More than likely, I’m not the only single this phenomenon is happening to. I have to tell you; it’s weird wanting to be in a relationship but enjoying the freedom of being single. The conflicting thoughts I have about my current state seem endless. I don’t think I’d want to be single forever, but I’m not too keen on jumping into a relationship either (I found this out the hard way). I’m stuck between not wanting to give up my freedom to do as I please and sharing my life with someone (which means compromising). Despite having the desire to be coupled, I like having my time, money, and bed to myself. If you’re confused, imagine how I feel!
So now my question is, what do I want? What is the root of these conflicting thoughts? And how do I navigate through this in one piece?
Challenging myself about what I wanted was harder to answer than I thought, but I figured my seven-year single stretch (yes, it’s been THAT long) was an excellent start to unpack. I initially chose to be single because I wanted to heal and get to know myself better. Eventually, that turned into wanting to grow and have experiences to figure out what I like. Do I think I’m done growing and learning about myself? Nope. Do I want to experience growth in another phase aspect of my life? Yes. Do I want a partner, or am I afraid of being left out? The answer is…well, complicated. I genuinely want to share my life with someone, but I also have a nagging feeling that I’m being “left out.” The idea of missing out can weigh heavily, but what helps me minimize that feeling is focusing on what I have in the present moment and trying my darndest not to compare my life journey to someone else’s. It’s NOT easy but constantly fixating on what’s missing only leads you to a doom spiral; who wants that?
I currently take solace in the fact that my journey of self-discovery isn’t finished, and I’m not going to cut it short just to fit in. I genuinely what to explore what else is out there, and the best part is I have the time and space to do it.
